Tantric Pitstops on Menopause Road
Because menopause is such a big subject Jennifer and Charity have two episodes to discuss this inevitable change women are faced with. They discuss the denial, the changes, and the confusion! With such a hot and sweaty topic, they begin with a meditation to get centered and drop right into the convo. They share their personal stories of perimenopause and touch on some interesting things that happen to the body on the road to period-freedom! From prunes, to botox, to facial ultrasounds and lube. Jennifer gets f'ing honest about being single, having sex with menopause symptoms, and tantric sex. Charity shares her story as a happily-longtime married woman, and how difficult it would be to be single in her 50's. The different life journeys between the women creates new perspectives and laughter!
Share your suggestions, question or topics by emailing to beingfinghonest@gmail.com. Remember, Be F'ing Honest.
Hello and welcome to our podcast, Being Honest. I'm Jennifer. Wong and I'm Charity Rodriguez.
Jennifer Wong:And we invite you into our conversations of everyday issues experienced by everyday people with honesty, humor and authenticity. Our hope is to bring people together and community by creating safe environments of non judgment. And we know this can be tough, so we will go ahead and go first. Good morning and welcome to our podcast, Being F-ing Honest, I'm Jennifer Wang.
Charity Rodriguez:Good morning. I'm Charity Rodriguez.
Jennifer Wong:And we are what's.
Charity Rodriguez:Going on.
Jennifer Wong:Today? We are here to talk about normal, everyday things that normal everyday people experience. But we're going to be. Talking about it in a way that brings together our community, brings together support, brings together a sense of security and a place where we can actually air out these things that are new and interesting and maybe on the edge today. All right. So today's topic will be on menopause, something that us women beginning in our mid forties until our mid fifties actually go through. It's amazing that it's a decade and it's something that I think there's a lot of information out there, but. I guess because it wasn't affecting me. I wasn't paying attention, I wasn't listening. I wasn't delving into it. But now, as my body is changing in nature is taking over, I have no choice but to experience these interesting things.
Charity Rodriguez:Well, I know for myself, like, I honestly thought that was something that happened to old people. And like, you know, like, I know it's like in the fifties, I know what that age range is, but and I know I'm in that age range, but honestly, in my mind, I'm still like in my, I know, thirties, you know, early forties. Like I was not mentally in my fifties realizing all this other stuff was going on. I was like, That's for the other women. Yeah. Woo, you know, like really old ladies.
Jennifer Wong:So and that's a very good point. That's a very good point. So. Well, let's start with a little quick meditation just to get a settled into our bodies into this moment so that what we share is authentic and that we connect with each other and our audience. Okay. So let's just get settled. If we're sitting just bringing our attention or awareness to our sit bones, the connection between our bodies and the chair. Just noticing that touch. And if our feet are on the floor. Noticing that feeling of the feet touching the floor. Coming into this space. And then just bringing our attention to our breath. Maybe even taking in a nice deep breath in through the nose and letting it out. And just going. Just releasing. Letting go of anything that was going on before we got into this moment. And just noticing that inhale. In the exhale. And as you become aware of the breadth, notice how easy it flows in. Inflows flows out. And as you exhale, just feeling your body. In just allowing us to come back to our breath whenever we need to be grounded and in the space. She? Okay.
Charity Rodriguez:All right.
Jennifer Wong:So menopause.
Speaker3:Ooh.
Charity Rodriguez:All right. This one is all you, Jennifer. Please enlighten.
Jennifer Wong:Okay. Well, I am no expert by any means. And this is just my experience and my conversations with my girlfriends and actually conversations with my doctors. I've had very interesting conversations. I see naturopaths primarily, and occasionally I go to Western medicine for diagnoses or testing, etc.. And so the funny thing is I started having symptoms, I would say, of menopause in my late forties, probably around 47, 48, but I didn't know that's what it was. I just thought I was cranky. I thought I was hot, I thought I was sweaty. I thought, Oh man, I need to work out or I'm drinking too much caffeine or I have too much sugar in my diet. But I guess those are all menopause symptoms. And so talking to my naturopath, you know, we she didn't really talk about the symptoms. I would come to her with symptoms and she would say, yeah, that's it. And then she has a saliva testing kit to actually determine which neurotransmitters and which hormones are either deficient or off the charts, you know, out of balance. So I did that and she was like, well, you know, your levels are still at a place where you're not fully in menopause. So it's called perimenopause. Right. Leading all this stuff so you can have all these symptoms and and not really even know why. So right then I went to my ob gyn and she said, Well, you just need a pill. And I said, Well, don't you want to test to see where my hormones are? And she goes, No, I don't need to. I know your your symptoms. So you just take this pill. And me being a I don't want to take a pill, a person said, Oh, that's okay. You know, she goes, Yeah, if you go to naturopaths, they're a bunch of quacks and they just charge you all this money and they don't do anything. I was like, Oh, okay. Wow. Tell me how you really feel.
Speaker3:Wow. All right.
Jennifer Wong:So anyway, that's kind of you.
Charity Rodriguez:You were not feeling anything. I mean, you didn't you weren't you didn't go to the naturopath thinking, oh, is this menopause? You just took your symptoms and said, What's going on here?
Jennifer Wong:Mm hmm.
Charity Rodriguez:And that would have been like the first time you heard menopause applied to yourself.
Jennifer Wong:Exactly. Exactly, exactly. And she. Yeah, that's exactly right.
Charity Rodriguez:Because keep going.
Jennifer Wong:Because kind of like what you'd said. I'm too young for this, you know, like and to me, menopause was when you stopped, you just stopped having your period. And then. And then all this stuff came up. I didn't know about this perimenopause thing. I didn't know what that meant. Yeah. So it's the leading up to it. And, and so then I, I went, I think at age 50, I didn't have a period for like three months and then it came back and it was so heavy. I thought, I'm like a stuck pig. I can't even leave the bathroom, you know? It's just like, oh, my gosh, is this okay? You know? And then because my hormones are crazy, I'm more paranoid and anxiety ridden, so I'm like, Oh, my gosh, what if this never stops? What if this never stops? So then I start talking to my friends and I have two friends that had to go to the hospital and get cauterized because it wouldn't.
Speaker3:I was like, Oh my God, that's real. Oh, my.
Charity Rodriguez:God, really? Okay, see, I've never heard of that. Whoa! Oh, my gosh. Okay, I got to look that one up. That's a real thing. It's really like you have to get cauterized.
Jennifer Wong:Yeah. One of my friends in Washington, had that happened, she. But I will say this, both of these women that told me about it, they do not slow down. They do not take care of themselves. They do not listen to their body. They just keep going and going and going. And from my other perspective, the medical perspective is you're wearing yourself out so your body can't heal and do what it normally does. Okay. And on the energetic spiritual perspective, I always think, well, if the universe wants to slow you down, it will, you know. So then she had to go to the hospital and get cauterized and she was out for like a couple of days. She had to. Press is the nasty four letter word rest.
Charity Rodriguez:Okay. Okay. Okay. So. Wow. So then wait. Now what happens after your cauterized? Like, what is that like?
Jennifer Wong:Just don't ever bleed ever again. Ever again.
Charity Rodriguez:Is that the same as a hysterectomy?
Jennifer Wong:No, because a hysterectomy, they actually take your uterus out.
Charity Rodriguez:Okay. So they're not taking it out. They're just characterizing it cauterizing it.
Jennifer Wong:So it's like creating scar tissue so it won't.
Charity Rodriguez:Yes.
Jennifer Wong:Bleed anymore. It won't. It won't.
Charity Rodriguez:Hold. Right.
Jennifer Wong:You won't feel.
Charity Rodriguez:Yes. Okay. I have heard of that procedure recently for a completely different topic, which we'll get into at some point. But. Wow, okay. But real quick, when you said that your period had stopped for three months, let's just have an honest moment here. How did you feel about that?
Jennifer Wong:Excited.
Charity Rodriguez:Right. Like super. Like hell. Yeah. This is.
Speaker3:Awesome.
Jennifer Wong:It was I was like, oh, my God, this is great. But I also learned that you're not really into menopause until you go a full year without a period.
Charity Rodriguez:I know. So sad. Like.
Jennifer Wong:So when it came back, I was like, oh, I was so disappointed. Right. But I will say this. So during that three period, that three month period of not having a moon eye, I started noticing my skin totally wrinkling. I noticed, like the lines getting deeper. I was like pruning up. I couldn't believe it. I was like, Oh my gosh. So that was like the big thing for me. And for me. When I go through this, I lose a ton of weight. And I asked my naturopath, like, Why is that? And she said, Well, people are different. So some people, when they're going through it, they gain a bunch of weight depending on.
Charity Rodriguez:That's what I've heard as people gain a lot of weight. But you lost.
Jennifer Wong:Weight. Lost weight. But my my, you know, my body type is one that. My adrenals are always going and I have a high metabolism. And so I said, well, why, why might I lose weight? And she said, When your ovaries quit producing the hormones necessary to release an egg and have a period, all that energy starts coming from your adrenals and your liver. I was like, Oh, that's so interesting. And so then it makes you more like for me, I would get really, really tired. I was exhausted, but I had to keep going. And so my body would just start using all of its resources instead of being more balanced. And so I lost a ton of weight.
Charity Rodriguez:Were you doing anything to help with the tiredness? Where you drinking more caffeine? Where you eating things that just gave you more energy? Or were you just like, okay, I'm tired, I'm going to take a nap?
Jennifer Wong:Yeah, it was more like, I'm going to take a nap. I didn't really know. And then as I looked more into it, there's herbs, you know, and, and then I actually started taking collagen and that kind of helped and I started actually spending more time moisturising my face. I never really paid any attention to my face. I, you know, I've done the same thing for 30 years, so I was like, Oh, now I know what is going on, you know? And the appearance is a very big piece of this. Like I've I've always cared about my appearance. I like to say that I didn't, you know, and but I really haven't had to do much. Maybe it's the Chinese jeans, you know, I don't know. But I really haven't had to do much. And so all of a sudden I'm like, Oh my God. And then because of the hormones, like, everything is exacerbated. So it's not just that I have a wrinkle. It's like, oh, my God, I'm the crypt keeper, you know, so, like, extreme.
Speaker3:Oh, my gosh.
Charity Rodriguez:So, like, you feel like a teenager again, right? Like when you're a teen and you're worried about all of the zits and your face and oily skin, and now you're back in that space again.
Jennifer Wong:Totally. Totally.
Speaker3:Oh, my.
Jennifer Wong:God. And I will say, you know, I've always said I would never do Botox, I would never do collagen. I would never I'm like, I think I need to start looking into this.
Speaker3:How quickly you say yes.
Charity Rodriguez:When it's affecting you. You're so personally, you're looking at yourself in the mirror, how it becomes, oh, well, it's not that bad, right? Like I could I could just do a little Botox. Like, I hear that it's not harmful or. Right, you know, whatever. Right. You can talk yourself into anything when it's you.
Jennifer Wong:Yes. Yes. And I've been really careful not to be judgmental of others. I've just always said there's no way I would do that because I don't take pills. I'm not going to put poison in my skin, you know. So but I will say I have a roommate who is amazing. She's like 66 and she looks like my age. She looks amazing. And I always just thought it was natural. She's like, Oh, girl. And so she started telling me and I love it. She's a wealth of information. Maybe one day we would interview her because she's just amazing. I mean, she knows, like, what to eat. She knows what to how to take care of your body. She knows what kinds of things to do to your face. Because I said, Yeah, well, I don't want anything invasive. Yeah. Like what's the least invasive, most effective thing we can do? Like skin, you know, like the peels. I'm scared to death of having acid on my face and looking like I have a sunburn for three days. Like, I just can't do it, I'm afraid. But she's told me there's other ways, you know. So now the big thing that I want to do is this ultrasound. You can do a face ultrasound.
Charity Rodriguez:And what?
Jennifer Wong:Yeah.
Charity Rodriguez:What are you talking about? What face ultrasound? Why are you doing a what?
Jennifer Wong:So what it does is it softens the muscles and it will, like, lift things without having to inject or put anything into your body. And she goes, It's amazing. She goes, You do like four or five sessions and it lasts like years. I was like, Really?
Charity Rodriguez:I got to look into that because I never heard of that. That's that's a complete new one for me. Ultrasound And you got all of this information from your your.
Jennifer Wong:Roommate who has done it? Yes.
Charity Rodriguez:They have done. So. You're someone that's talking from experience. Now, I have a question, because you you mentioned your roommate. Did you hear anything about menopause? Did you get any clues, any insight, any little nudges or preparation from your mom?
Jennifer Wong:For my mom, yes. No. And just like a teenager, she didn't talk to me about my period. And now, as a 52 year old woman, we didn't talk about menopause because.
Charity Rodriguez:Why do you think that is?
Jennifer Wong:Well, because my mom and I are not really close. Och I'm not really close to my mum and I think that that has a lot to do with me not knowing stuff about women's stuff in general.
Charity Rodriguez:Och. Och, a lot of stuff. Yeah, there is a lot.
Jennifer Wong:Did your mum talk to you about menopause?
Charity Rodriguez:No. No, but not because we weren't close. I mean, we were close, but we didn't talk about those things. Like there was you just. There was just this understanding of. I didn't know I was going to get the information through osmosis or something. I don't know. But you just you just don't talk about those things. You just don't. You don't you didn't she didn't talk to me about any of that. She didn't talk to me about having my period. I had my period. And it was a horrible, devastating thing. And I was like, I was crying. I was crying into her lap. But she didn't say, this is your period and this is it's a natural thing. And that she just I mean, she comforted me and she was she gave me some of her natural concoctions to help appease things. But we didn't, you know, say, och, charity, this is your period. This is not what's happening. You're going to, you know, change. You're no longer little girl. You're now a young lady. None of that. It was just like, okay, okay, okay, you have to get back to school here. You use this now and go, you know, like, oh, och.
Jennifer Wong:And look at how that pattern starts. It's like, don't take care of yourself. Just here you go. Go.
Charity Rodriguez:Yeah, just go. That's right. You're right. You're right. You're right.
Jennifer Wong:And so, you know, what's so interesting is when I started studying other cultures and I was studying with Sable Fu, so mate, I read her book and she she has this woman's wisdom. Oh, my.
Charity Rodriguez:Gosh. So who is that? Who is sabon?
Jennifer Wong:Sabon fu somi is a like I would call her a spiritual leader from Burkina Faso, Africa. And I met her. And so she has a couple audio books and books that she had published. But I think it's called African Women's Wisdom is like this CD set that is just amazing. And she in there talks about when in her tribe, when women would have their period, the men would literally, like, carry them around. Like when you were on your period, you were treated like royalty because they knew that that was when women were the most intuitive and they didn't want to get cursed for anything. Oh, and it was like it was an honoring. So like the women that were on their period would not be engaged in the activities like cleaning, cooking, they would be resting and tuning in to spirit like that's what that time was. And I go, Oh my gosh, here it's like, stick a tampon in and get to work, you know, like there's you have cramps, take a pill.
Charity Rodriguez:Yeah, yeah. Just like your doctor said, oh, menopause is. Come in. Here you go. You just take a pill. Yeah.
Jennifer Wong:You don't call in sick for having a period.
Charity Rodriguez:No, no, you don't know. And that is horrible.
Jennifer Wong:Right?
Charity Rodriguez:But all right, keep going.
Jennifer Wong:Keep going. Okay. So the other thing. So okay, so now I'm in it and I'm talking to my roommate now about it. I'm like, okay, since you're older, how was it for you? You know? And she was sharing information. Here's the other thing she told me. She goes, well, it's really good if you start taking like estrogen while you're going through perimenopause. She said, I didn't. And I've been to doctors that have said, Well, now it's too late, you know? And she said, Which it's fine. She goes, I do do a progesterone cream. And she goes, But what I found out, and this is where it gets crazy, is if you don't have enough progesterone. I mean, estrogen. Estrogen, then you your vagina can atrophy. What? Oh, yes.
Speaker3:What are you talking about?
Jennifer Wong:And I've heard this from a couple of people, so like like it's called vagina atrophy.
Charity Rodriguez:Vagina atrophy?
Jennifer Wong:Yes.
Charity Rodriguez:What the hell?
Jennifer Wong:So it gets dry, which, you know, I had no you know, and I will say, like, when it comes to sex, I was always like, you know, I love sex. I think I always thought that's like the one thing in life I do really well. I'll be honest. I'm not like, I want to be a hooker or anything, but I could be really socially awkward but have no problem having sex with you.
Charity Rodriguez:So.
Jennifer Wong:Okay, so what's so interesting is.
Speaker3:It's like.
Jennifer Wong:I thought, oh, I'll know. I've heard people talk about this dryness thing. I have heard about it. I've heard other friends mention it, and they're like, Oh, you got to get a good lube. And I was like, That's never going to happen to me. Ha ha. Until it does.
Charity Rodriguez:Yeah.
Jennifer Wong:And it was just. I actually had a moment where I had.
Charity Rodriguez:Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Let's take a deep breath here.
Speaker3:Whew.
Jennifer Wong:All right. We're about to get authentic and real. Are you ready for this?
Speaker3:Okay, wait.
Charity Rodriguez:Because you're about to go there. Okay. Okay. I just need a I need a moment. Hold on. Hold up. Okay. Okay. All right. Okay. Yeah. Okay. All right. You're going to. Okay. All right. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go. Go.
Speaker3:Are you sure? Do you need to grab this?
Charity Rodriguez:I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. All right. No, I'm just saying, I don't want to feel like I'm, like, prying, and, like. I mean, I'm curious. I'm like, okay, yeah. What do you have to say? What are you to say here? But I don't want to be like, you know, like I'm watching, like, a peeping tom. Like, yeah, tell me how the dudes. But I got to know, right? We got to ask these questions. We got to prepare ourselves. And you're going through it before I'm going through it. So go for it.
Jennifer Wong:And you're not prying because I am offering it up. I'm offering it for the highest and greatest good of all. So there you go.
Charity Rodriguez:Okay, you go, sister. Go.
Jennifer Wong:I go on this trip recently, and I am with somebody that I really love and I care about. And we have sex for the very first time and. Oh, my God, I cannot believe it. It literally felt like he dipped his penis in wax and then rolled it in sand.
Speaker3:Oh. Oh, my God.
Jennifer Wong:And I was like, Holy shit, this does not feel good. What is going on? I've never had anything like this happen before. And it. It ruined this for me, I'm sure. Ruined it for him, too. I mean, he was just worried. Oh, my God, am I hurting you? Oh, my God. And I was like, Yeah, actually, you know, that's enough. And I just thought, Wow.
Charity Rodriguez:So you stopped in the moment. You were like, I had, you know, it wasn't like an after the thing. You were like, you know what? In the moment, you're like, whoa, whoa, yeah. Okay. Put the brakes on there, cowboy.
Jennifer Wong:Yes. And it wasn't anybody's fault. I would I wasn't expecting it. I was totally not. I was all into it. There was foreplay. It was great. Yeah. And it was just. It was like being on the freeway and slamming on your brakes, you know, and. Oh, my God. So that put a damper on the entire night. But, you know, I. I was like, wow, this shit is real. This really exists. And no one is going to be, like, exempt.
Speaker3:Yeah.
Charity Rodriguez:Yeah. There's no exemption.
Jennifer Wong:Yeah. So getting a good solution is really a good idea. And I had.
Charity Rodriguez:So did you rent your CVS and go get some lube or whatever?
Jennifer Wong:Funny thing is. This is how funny I am, is that I had kind of known that this could happen because I'd heard about it. So I did my research and I wanted, of course, the most organic, clean, non synthetic lube I could find. So I found one and it was it's coconut based or no aloe. It was aloe based and I had brought it just in case, but I didn't use it because I didn't think I'd ever need it. And then why.
Charity Rodriguez:Are you doing all of that work? Why are you reading and preparing? But then you just.
Jennifer Wong:Because I'm still 30.
Charity Rodriguez:Okay, all.
Speaker3:Right. I mean, and it.
Jennifer Wong:Paid off because I will say the next day I said, this is what we got to do. And then it was it was much better.
Charity Rodriguez:Oc But was he like scared the next day? So like after the first time was he, you know, like I don't know about, you know, like, are you like, well, he has a tent.
Jennifer Wong:Absolutely. Absolutely.
Charity Rodriguez:You has a tent.
Jennifer Wong:Yes. I mean, and in this situation, you know, to be more personal, I mean, this is somebody I'd known for 30 years and we had never crossed the line. And so, you know, there was a little probably anxiety there to OC, but I felt fortunate that it was somebody that I'm so honest with anyway, that we could have these conversations. Like if it was a guy I met on the Dating app, it would have been very different. It would have been a whole different thing. So and it was cool because my friend has never been with anybody in their fifties. He always dates really younger girls. So I got to educate him. Oh, you know, I got to say, I have to tell you, you know, women of my age, this is very typical. I said, even though I thought it would never happen to me.
Charity Rodriguez:Here we are. Here we are. Here we are. So. Yeah, oh, my gosh. So wow. I think like a good.
Jennifer Wong:Lube is a important factor because here's the other thing. So for me, you know, once you start using lube, then it changes the PH balance. Okay. In the. In the vagina. So I was like, Well. You know, I don't want to be getting. You know, yeast infections or anything like that. So, so far, so good. I'm like, all right, I like one. This one has worked out pretty well. And it was cool because once I explained to him what we needed to do is like he'd grab it, I'd grab it, you know? Then it became like, it's a whole new partner in the act of sex. It was like, Yeah, now it's you and me and the loose.
Charity Rodriguez:Okay? And there you go. Three, three to make it go. All right. Okay. Who? Okay, doing tick. I'm good. No, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good. Like, I. Wow. Yeah, I. I mean, I'm in my fifties, but I keep going to the doctor. I was not ever thinking about menopause like I told you. And my doctor was the one that was giving me some kind of blood work. And she was like, Oh, let's just check to see if you're perimenopausal. And then she came back and told me I wasn't. And I was just kind of like, okay, whatever. And, you know, just keep on going. But now that I'm in my fifties and I'm like, okay, when is this going to stop? Like, I'm ready for this to stop. I will miss one or two here and there, but it's not consistent. And I mean, I do have a little party when I'm like. I missed it. You all. Right? I can do whatever I want. Now let's go. But I I'm not I'm still not there. I'm not feeling anything. I mean, nothing's happening with my face, but I moisturize like I have had a face show routine since I was a teen. And I, you know, I'm like, not like I think I look like Naomi Campbell, but I'm just like, you know, I'm okay. Like, everything's okay. So I just protect what I have, right? Like, just protect what I've got going on. I never, ever I'm not also a person that can just like, oh, let me just walk out the house with nothing going on. Like, I look like the cat dragged me through, you know, something. So I always have to do a little bit even to make it look like I do nothing. You got to do a little bit for my face, but.
Jennifer Wong:Well, you look fabulous. You look absolutely fabulous. I can't ever imagine you looking like a cat.
Charity Rodriguez:Now, see, because I look with my eyes. So. But. But then. But now you're talking about a partner. A partner that you are just initiating some contact with in this manner. Right. You've known this individual, but it's the first time it's gone to this step. My partner and I have been together forever in a day, so I don't. I mean, I don't know. I imagine that conversation would go completely, you know, different, like. I mean, at this point, right after being together for a day, you just kind of like, oh, you know, so-and-so, this is what's going on. Oh, really? You just kind of roll. Right, right. Like, all right, what are you going to do? You know, it's just like they've seen everything. They know everything. They they think they're not going to be fazed by it. Like, Hey, we need a break. Okay, fine.
Jennifer Wong:That's nice.
Charity Rodriguez:So, I don't know, but. But I don't know. But I got to be aware now.
Speaker3:That it might dry up.
Charity Rodriguez:Now I might be nervous. Like I know me being me. I know I'm going to be laying there and he'll go, What's wrong? Like what?
Speaker3:Talking about China versus China. I don't the real thing.
Charity Rodriguez:And then we'll probably sit there in bed each other. Laptops will like this. What do you got it?
Speaker3:Yeah.
Charity Rodriguez:And then we'll start sending each other, like, tick tock and Instagrams about. Hey, somebody posted this about their vagina. Like, it's a thing somebody else is, you know, thing out there. I mean, that's how we are about this. I love so I love that. I'm just like, whoa, okay. But then you're like, wow, okay. I mean, do you know what the fact that you in your fifties can feel comfortable being with some dude that you know, that you know, you're not a hooker, you know, just picking them up off of the street, even though you enjoy it very much.
Jennifer Wong:Yeah.
Charity Rodriguez:That's a thing that scares me. I mean, to scare me. It's just like if I were. If I were not married. If I were in your shoes. I wouldn't be doing anything with anybody, no matter how much I enjoy it. Like, I just. I don't know that I could do that.
Jennifer Wong:That's what you say? No, really?
Charity Rodriguez:Yeah, really? Really. I, you know.
Jennifer Wong:You would say. Celibate...
Charity Rodriguez:Yeah. Yeah, I would. Yeah, I would. Because I don't. Yeah. I would. I would.
Jennifer Wong:Tell for.
Charity Rodriguez:Yeah. Because I couldn't. I flew with my partner for a long time and so, like. And it's awesome. Like, I love my partner. Like, there is no one nothing that could top or be my partner. Nothing that's so. So if I didn't have that, I mean, after I've experienced that and whew. Like, I know and I've told them this, I'm like, you know, I'm just like, you know, you've kind of ruined it for anybody else, like. That's wonderful. Yeah. So. And I just, I mean, but I'm also just a person, like, I don't I'm not I'm not quick to like, I can't go there. Like, that's like.
Speaker3:Like we.
Charity Rodriguez:Go to the movies. You hold my hand. But that's it, buddy. You're coming over to my house, like, now, like, shut the door. You know, like I got the maze back off. I'm just, you know, like, that's how I think. And I just. I would not. I could not at this point get naked with anybody. The thought of some other man's hands on me would be so absolutely freaky. I couldn't do it like I. I needed all of that time to get to the point where I'm at. Like, I've been with my my partner since we were 18.
Jennifer Wong:Oh, my gosh. So that was that long. That's wonderful. Congratulations.
Charity Rodriguez:Thank you. But I.
Jennifer Wong:Can't. You're lucky. You know.
Charity Rodriguez:I can't do it. I'm telling. You know, I can't do it. And yes, I am lucky and I like knock on wood and whew, hallelujah to my a happy dance. But I know like this is it. There's not going to be a, you know, a second and a third and nothing else. It's like, this is it. I got, you know.
Jennifer Wong:You did?
Charity Rodriguez:Yeah, I'm good. That's that's the price. Now that I have to pay. Like, that'll be the price at all. I'll pay and I'll gladly do it because I'm like, you know, had a good run.
Speaker3:Good run.
Jennifer Wong:Well, I don't know if I had a good one. I might feel differently, you know? But I don't. But I don't. And I can't say that. I mean it took a year before I even yeah, it was a year of being single before I even had sex with another person.
Charity Rodriguez:It was a year. Why? Why a year? Why do you think it was a year? Like, was it a conscious thing or was it a.
Jennifer Wong:I think a little of everything. You know, I wasn't ready for one. And then I'm pretty picky, you know, I'm pretty picky about who I engage with. There's got to be a lot of chemistry. There's got to be a lot of intellectual connection. There's got to be conversation, there's got to be some kind of connection. You know, I couldn't. Although some women are able to do that, I, I need to have. Yes.
Charity Rodriguez:Right. Like you have to have a connection. Like that's a very important thing. I'm always blown away by people that are talking about these one night stands, just like one after the, you know, not like it's a bad thing. Like, that's just it's I mean, I believe sex is a natural, normal thing. Like, people need to engage in sex, so, you know, we don't need to be stigmatizing it or whatever. But that they could just like, oh, yeah, like he was cute and, you know, or she was cute and I just we just got to engage and get, you know, and I'm like, how do you do that? Like how? Because there has to be some kind of connection. There has to be something.
Jennifer Wong:Something.
Charity Rodriguez:But it took you a year. And then at what point, like what happened after a year, you said, okay, I'm going to start looking for a connection.
Jennifer Wong:Or because I had the.
Charity Rodriguez:Connection.
Jennifer Wong:Happened. I think it was it just happened. I mean, I had, you know, it was during the time of COVID. So it wasn't like I was meeting people out at meetups or bars because we were in quarantine. So I went, I was on the apps and I was probably on the apps for a good 6 to 8 months before I connected with somebody that I thought was compatible, you know, somebody that I felt like I could be naked in front of.
Speaker3:Right. Right.
Jennifer Wong:I mean, that wasn't my goal entirely. And I'm a little different about things like I, I actually am a woman that can have sex without being emotionally attached. I can. But if I do like the person, then as soon as we have sex, I'm totally emotionally attached. So it's just it depends on how much I like the person. But it was so interesting. So I met this guy on the app and we totally had this rapport because it always starts with texting on the apps, you know? And so like it was funny, it was witty. There was this great banter. He loved music. He was a musician. He actually played for a. Oh. Who did he play for? I forgot now, but not Nine Inch Nails. Oh, but one of those bands at the Viper Room, he ended up filling in for their their bassist. And I was like, Oh, that's kind of cool. And then we were into a lot of the same things and blah, blah, blah. And then we start talking about spirituality. And then he talked about tantra, which is like it's an energetic kind of spiritual. Modality that is usually. Attached to sexuality. And I the and I didn't know much about it as much spiritual stuff as I'd done. I hadn't really looked into tantra. And so he started talking about that. And then I was like, Oh, so what do you know? And you know, because I'm always wanting to learn new things. So then we started talking about that and.
Charity Rodriguez:Okay, what was the ten? Is this the tantric sex that like Steam was talking back talking about way back when that he had some, I know, 20 hour session with his wife and, you know, tantric sex and whew. It was the like I didn't quite get that. But that's what we're talking about.
Jennifer Wong:That's what we're talking about. And so and then he would we would have phone calls. And I will tell you, like, I was really shut down. I was shut down in my marriage for many years because sex had become a power issue and there was just so much manipulation and control around it that I actually had shut it way down. And so when he started talking to me and he knew, I don't think he was a master by any means, but he knew the basis of tantra and he actually learned it from his next door neighbor. She said once he got divorced, she said, Come on over, I have something for you. And he said for six months he would go to her house and she taught him all this tantric stuff. So how.
Charity Rodriguez:Do you teach someone tantric.
Jennifer Wong:Sex and that, I don't know.
Charity Rodriguez:Paint that big oak. That's how that. What's that picture looking like, Jennifer?
Jennifer Wong:I have no idea. But she evidently knew about it. And so he went over there and he learned well. And I actually told him after a couple of times we had sex, like I am thanking her, like thank you to her because it was so anyway, 20 hours. No, we did two, five hour sessions, though.
Charity Rodriguez:Five, 2 hours. Five hour sessions.
Speaker3:Yes.
Jennifer Wong:And it was just like it wasn't constant. Like everybody needs to know that. But we didn't leave the bed, you know, it was like an ebb and flow and ebb and flow and and that's what tantra is really. I mean, there's a bunch of components because I started studying it after that. I was like, What is this? And so I found a teacher and I've been studying with her and I've been doing workshops and I bought a book. I have a couple of books.
Charity Rodriguez:Okay, wait. You said you want to teach her.
Jennifer Wong:What's the one?
Charity Rodriguez:Yeah, make a divorce. For women, it is tantric. Go ahead and read the title because I can't. It's upside down.
Jennifer Wong:It's a Tao tantric art for women.
Charity Rodriguez:Okay, I'll have to look that one up.
Jennifer Wong:And Minky Davos was. She was actually, the reason that I was led to her was because my one of my natural paths studied with her teacher, with her husband for years. And and I realize it's more than just sex. Obviously, it's energy. And as an energy worker, I was like, oh, it's about like, gee, running through your body and how you move it and you connect to the heart, the mind, the body, and you understand each other's energy. So he was really good at he used to tell me he goes, Well, I would basically play you like a fine tuned instrument. And I was like, Ooh, what is that like? You know? And well, he.
Charity Rodriguez:Did Killing me. Now you are absolutely.
Speaker3:Because I'm like, What are you like? Like what?
Charity Rodriguez:I don't know what else to oc oc oc oc. I got to weight. First off, I've got to get a book. I've got to read about this. Oc Second, you said you had a teacher. How is your teacher teaching you?
Jennifer Wong:Well, she is my teacher.
Charity Rodriguez:Just talk. About it. There is no like a sex therapist where you're like actually, like going through it. No, the moment.
Jennifer Wong:No, the woman that I got the book, Minky DeVos, I started watching her YouTube videos and then she has somebody that she works with and she has a full platform and she does workshops and she's constantly going. And so what I've been learning is really about understanding that tantra within me and learning how to move my energies because sexual energy is really powerful. It's super powerful. And and so if you can learn to move that into the rest of the body, it lifts your energy, it lifts your spirit. It you know. And so she has like a lot of yogic, like very yoga type stuff. And so I will do them every one. There's like an hour yoga meditation on tantra. And so I haven't really gotten into the learnings of partnership tantra. I'm learning on just how to manage my own energy, because after that experience I was blown away and because I didn't really manage my energy too well, there would be periods where I would be shaking and like really crazy. But the guy I was with knew how to like hold me and caress me and like help that energy balance again. So he was doing it and I was like, Well, I'd like to learn how to do it for myself.
Charity Rodriguez:Right. Okay. So it sounds like a partnership more so of a partnership, like a whole experience for both, right? Yes, but the. You know what I honestly have to say? I don't. I know about ki. I know about energy. I know about those things. But I cannot say that I have completely. Absorbed them. It is still one of those topics that I keep at hands length. For whatever reason, like I really don't know why I keep it at hangs length. I don't know if it's because of a vulnerability. Like I think that you have to be vulnerable. I don't know. I don't I don't know. I can't even I'm having I haven't gotten there yet, but I. I was listening to I was reading something today and I it was a quote. And the quote was. B you need to. No. Who do you need to know and accept who you are before you can change yourself. And once you accept who you are, that's when the change is. But people that are trying to just change and get better, but they don't know who they are. You're not going to get too far. So. I don't know about you. I get you. I hear you. I hear you. You say the words the T and you're saying there was the energy and the emotion and emotion I get. I understand, but i don't know about managing my energy and managing my t. I know, Jennifer. I know that one's one. That's like I'm not there. I hear you. You know, before we get together for the next session, I am going to do some reading, and I'll come back to you with something.
Speaker3:Okay. You know.
Charity Rodriguez:That's where I'm at.
Jennifer Wong:But I.
Charity Rodriguez:I applaud you. I'm like, whoa.
Speaker3:You go. Absolutely.
Charity Rodriguez:Yeah. You were there. You did it. You got through it. You you experienced it. And now you're here to talk to us about it. So.
Speaker3:Thank you.
Charity Rodriguez:Thank you, Jennifer.
Jennifer Wong:All right. It was pretty amazing. And I don't know if I'll ever have that again. I really don't. I mean, it felt like such a a fluke, a gift, you know, it was like a magical moment. I told my friends, I go, Well, the universe finally threw me a bone of my own. Like I was so excited, you know, because I was saying I had been telling my friends for a while, like, I still haven't had the best sex of my life. You know, I've had good sex and it's been fun and there's been hot sex, but I can't say it's been the best sex of my life. And I would have to say that was hands down. I mean, and I think one of the big things about tantra, why a lot of men don't like it is because they. Are taught to hold an orgasm for a really long time.
Charity Rodriguez:Okay.
Jennifer Wong:And so we did 5 hours and he had one orgasm. And it was all about me. It was all about me. I mean, my body did things I didn't think I could do. I was like, Oh, that's real. I thought that was just stuff you saw in porn.
Charity Rodriguez:Like, This is real.
Speaker3:Woo!
Jennifer Wong:And Oh my God, it was fabulous. I mean, like, just feeling like you're coming out of your body in complete ecstasy is amazing. I think the only time I've ever felt like that was after I had my babies. Okay. Just, you know, how you just are in this moment of, like. You're so big, you know, like you get it. You finally get everything for, like, a minute. And that was how it felt. It was like, oh, my gosh. Oh, my.
Charity Rodriguez:Gosh. So, okay. And there you have it. Why don't we end on that note, Jennifer?
Speaker3:Let's do that.
Charity Rodriguez:Because I just always leave you with weird questions.
Speaker3:Like, what did.
Charity Rodriguez:I have this best? What? What do you mean? 5 hours all about you.
Speaker3:What? You only had one. What?
Charity Rodriguez:Like, I don't know. Like all of these. Now that I'm going to be visualizing as I'm going throughout my day.
Speaker3:Oh, no.
Charity Rodriguez:To my head. And tonight I'll be there. My husband's going to go, like. Oh, what's wrong?
Speaker3:Can you picture this? Just check this out. Just listen to this. I don't know. I don't know.
Jennifer Wong:Well, I'm curious to see what you guys come up through social media and sharing tiktoks. Like, I can't wait to hear your research.
Speaker3:I'm so excited.
Charity Rodriguez:I will. I will definitely share. For real. I will.
Jennifer Wong:Because I'm a minimal researcher and a jump in and experiencer. I'll do a little research, but mostly I really rely on how I feel about it. And then I want to do it because I just want to experience I don't want to read about it, you know, oh my.
Charity Rodriguez:God.
Jennifer Wong:This is a good blend because you do the research and then you can fill in the gaps for me. Like, I love that.
Charity Rodriguez:I need research for me to allow myself to go crazy like I am normal. I think I maybe probably have like, I don't know, like I just, like, be impulsive and just, like, whoa. But I can't do that until I have the research, which then at that point, is that really impulsive? Like, I don't know, but I just. I have to like. And then I can like, oh, yeah, because I know what my, my exit strategy is. If I get in trouble or if something goes wrong, like, I know, like, what to do, but I don't know. Wow.
Speaker3:Oh, my gosh.
Jennifer Wong:So should we pause this and start another one?
Charity Rodriguez:Yeah. Yay! Thank you for listening. To be effing honest with your hosts, Jennifer Wang and Charity Rodriguez. Subscribe to our show wherever you listen to podcasts and if you have a suggestion, question or topic you want us to talk about, connect with us at W WW being f ing honest. And until next time, we hope you're always being f ing honest.
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