Leading groups: Unexpected Calm Amidst Drug Addiction, Alcoholism And Pandemic

Hello, and welcome to Our Podcast being effing honest. I'm Jennifer Wong.

And I'm Charity Rodriguez.

We invite you into our conversations about everyday issues experienced by everyday people. We share our stories with honesty and humor, hoping to bring people together in community by showing how vulnerability can deepen bonds when done with kindness and non judgment. We know it's tough. So we'll go ahead and go first

Okay, all right. So you wanted to talk about

leading groups? Oh, yeah. I mean, we got started about me teaching a meditation group for 12 years. And then you were sharing about

I was supporting new parents first time parents. It's a volunteer group that I I work with, so I'm still part of them. I just do it when I am a bit you know, able

Are you doing it from a regular but you did you in the beginning more regular?

As as Yeah, more regularly at the beginning. And it just takes a lot though. It takes a lot to, but you're all excited to get. And then it's like, oh, my gosh, there's a lot of

work. Ray is and I

but you go ahead because you have some good stories. You know, tell me one. Good story. One. Good story. One

good story. Oh, gosh, okay. Wow. Yeah. Well, let me just start rambling. And I'm sure it'll come out. But so I taught, okay, drug and alcohol recovery center for 12 years teaching meditation. And I remember because I was just sharing with you that looking back 12 years ago, when I started my first group, I was terrified. You know, like, my 21 year old and I always talk about how teenage girls terrify us even now, I don't know. They just do. And so I felt like I was going to be standing in front of a bunch of teenagers. Because, I mean, I had my experience with people with drug and alcohol. You know, and I, I was in Al Anon. So I mean, I was, I was familiar, but I don't know what it's like to be standing in front of people that are just coming out of detox that, you know, it can be very intense. And I remember, before my very first group, I was sitting in my car, and I got there like, 10 minutes early, and my armpits were sweating. And I couldn't breathe, and my mouth was dry. And I had, like, I had printed out what I was gonna do. And I was like, Oh, my God, I got to stick to it. And I was like, so worried that I had to be perfect, because I always needed to be perfect with my hypnosis clients. And I remember walking in. And the first Recovery Center I went to, was huge. I mean, it was giant, and there were people everywhere. And I walked into like, a group room that had carpeting. And they have these little back jacks. So they lean up against these things. And it was like being in front of a bunch of teenage kids. Like there was total chaos and airplanes were flying and people were cursing and there was people vaping and I was just like, how am I going to get control? It's like no one mentioned. You better have the ability to control the room. It was like, Oh, my God. I remember just like my stomach gurgling and Hello, everybody. Nobody was like, Bueller. Bueller. Bueller. Nobody's hearing me. And I'm like, Hello. We're gonna meditate. And I remember finally, like, somebody else had to come in and like, get them all riled up and say, Okay, this is Jennifer Wong. She's your meditation instructors. So you're all gonna sit your asses down. You're gonna listen. And I'm like, Oh, it was not. I mean, I'd had meditation groups before, but people were happy to be there. They volunteered to be there. Like half of these people were there because they had DUIs. They didn't even want to get sober. They were had no interest, you know, so Oh, my God. But

But Wait, how did you come to this group? Like, how did you get connected with?

So I had started my business business and in order to get clients, I joined this thing called BNI was business networking International. And through that, I met an acupuncturist. And he recommended me because he was already working at this recovery center doing acupuncture for the clients. And so then I interviewed with the director and they said had me come in once a week to do a one hour class. And I remember thinking a one hour class for meditation, like, how am I going to structure this. And then when I walked into the first group, I just went, Oh my God, I don't know what I'm doing. I had no idea what I was doing. And so I just winged it. I mean, I was sweating so much that the whole sides my shirt, my armpits are just wet when it was over, because I was so sick.

But you ended up doing this for 12? For 12 years. Yeah. So you kept going, you believed I just believed it was

the right thing to do. And I love teaching meditation. And like I was telling you, when I first started, I had these ideas of what meditation was, you know, because of who I studied with. And these were all people who had been meditating forever. And they didn't sit down and go, Oh, you know, when you sit down, you're gonna have a lot of thoughts. They were like, No, sit down and breathe and get into your quiet place. I was like, What the fuck I there is nothing quiet between my ears, you know? But now I'm supposed to go and teach these people that are thinking the same thing I was, except they're saying it to me. Like, what? We can't meditate? How long is this class. I mean, it's just, it was so much resistance. So they taught me a lot is really what happened. They taught me how to teach a class is what ended up happening. But miraculously, I used my hypnosis, step my Hypnosis Training to really get them into a space and it and like, I'd say, for half of them, it worked, you know. And it really brought up a lot about me, like, my own feelings of not being good enough of being stupid of being fake. You know, I'm just out here trying to teach meditation that I don't even know what I'm doing, you know, and, but using my hypnosis techniques, I could get some of them in. And I remember after my first class, one girl just going, I have never gone that deep before in my life, you know? And I was like, Okay,

I'll be back next week. But yeah, I

did it for 12 years, you take your wins, there was just something that kept leading me to do it, to do it, to do it to keep doing it. I don't know how I got it your first year, because I was only going once a week. So you know, I'd only do for a month, you know, which is what? So it'd be like, 52 a year? Yeah. 52. So it wasn't that many. So the first year was really just learning and trying to figure it out. And, and I would listen to their feedback, you know, because I'd always start the class, like, tell me where you're at, what's your experience, and I always had a different group. So I could never like do like, this week, we're gonna build on next week. And you know, I couldn't do that. Because every week I'd have different clients, it was always a very transient population, you know. And then sometimes I'd have people that were there for 90 days. So then I'd see him for 12 sessions. And then there were some people that I'd see the day after they got out of detox. So they'd be just rocking and holding themselves in my class. Like, they couldn't sit still. They were shaking, you know, I mean, they're on drugs to get off drugs. It was like crazy. And it was like, how do you get this guy over here that I look at his face, and I'm like, he's ready to scream. And then I got this person over here that's had eight groups with me and they're ready to they're already laying down, they're ready to go. I had some classes where people would just all lay down and fall asleep. And I was like, this is not nap time. People. This is not naptime. And so like one of the, for a while, I did a group with the guy that started with the acupuncture. And so that took a good 15 minutes. He was way more assertive. And he'd been there a long time. He knew what to do. And so I remember the one time he said, remember, this is meditation, it's not sleep, because if it was a sleep class, we'd all be enlightened. Like, if it was about sleeping, we all be enlightened. And then he said, and besides, this is your money. You know, you want to pay her to sleep. It's up to you, you know, and I was like, Look at him. You go.

Okay, okay. Well, okay, wait, I now could you always have me bring up so many questions. And I'm like, wait a second. Okay, a, what made you decide to do this? I honestly have not had any active contact with people coming off drugs on jugs, in the process of coming off drugs, like anything. There may be a drug user sitting next to me in an office. I didn't know. But I'm just talking about like, you just waited there and you're like, yeah, let me go and help these people. I in my younger years would have been like, Oh no, because the that might rub off on me. And then I'll end up being a drug user or oh my goodness, the horrors of it. I mean, I'm just telling you honestly, I'm being honest. That that's what I would have thought it I would have. I would have been like, Nope, that's not for me. Good luck. I would have thought you needed. I don't know some train psychologist, psychiatrists, detox, firstly,

have them there. The thing I guess, that

I just would imagine it like they do in the movies, where they're like, oh, just up and they're sitting there, and they're restraining gum. And they're like, they're trying to come up. I honestly have never, I lead such a sheltered life. I never, ever came up with or a saw, or was it the company of or interacted with or anything? Okay, I lie, I lie. When I was in my first job. I was like 14 or 15. And I worked at a theater, where big performance this came in to perform and whatever. And there was this one guy, he was the oldest one of us. We were ushers, and we would usher people to their seats, you know, at the beginning of a concert. And but I was the youngest one. And I was very naive. I didn't know but I worked really hard. And you know, I did my stuff. So this guy, he would always go into the stairwell with this other guy, you know, there would be in there. It was like What y'all talking about? I don't know, like, we just always knew, you know, Jeff a matter in the hallway, you know, and in the stairwell. And my boss had come in, and he was looking for them. And I knew where they're at. I know how go get them. And I, you know, went running over the air. And I come around the corner, and I hit this wave of smoke. And it was pot, but I didn't know that it was just like, I had never smelled smoke. I mean, pot. I didn't know what we was. And I was just like, like, it just hit me. And I'm like, what is that? Update? Dude? It's, I didn't say dudes, but I was like, Matt, it really smells in here. We need to let Mr. Robinson know that there's a gross smell in here needs to be taken care of. And I'll go tell them but by the way, Mr. Robinson is looking for you guys. We got to go back into the the lounge. And they just looked at me like, you know, like, Are you kidding me? Are you like? And then I could see that they were angry. Like they were like, she choked, like, and then it was like, You better not tell anybody about this. And I was like, No, I didn't know what they were talking about. I was like, We gotta go. Like, we got to go back to that. And I immediately ran off right to see how they were just so angry. Like, you better not tell anybody like this. Lady.

Oh, my God. It was like,

and then it was later somebody smoked, actually tried to smoke in the at the counselor at one of the concerts. Somebody was smoking it. And I had walked by and I could smell that and somebody was walking with me. And they were like, oh, man, we're gonna have to report them. They're smoking weed. And you know, they walked off. And I was like, that's

what that

that's what that was. I see. And then I stayed away from that guy. I stayed away from that. I didn't want to be left alone with them. Because I was like, trying to

see, and that's why I ended up teaching because I was the kid that said they're smoking weed. I want some of that. Oh, yes. I was like, oh, where's the party? How do I get some of that? You know, I was like, Oh, I'm smoked pot when I was in fifth grade, or sixth grade grade with my girlfriends, and then we smoked cigarettes. And we did everything. We were like, we just couldn't wait to try everything. I would sneak out I would go to parties. I would meet boys. And of course, whatever. And you know, you know me all into astrology. Well, I have this thing in my eighth house, which is all about death and dying and darkness. And it's like, of course, of course, that's where I am. You know, but I didn't know that till later. But yeah, I had to be with the party. And I would say if I've had 10 long term relationships, eight of them have been drug addicts or alcoholics or recovering from such a thing. And I didn't even know that when I pick them. I mean, one of my husband's was sober for a year before I even you know, got serious with him before I even met him. But still, you know, even though he never used a substance while we were together. He still was from that He had stories, crazy stories, and I love hearing people's crazy stories. And I think that in some circles, they call them drunk logs. So they like tell about when they got busted. And some of them are so funny. Like, I can't stop laughing like, that's my kind of humor. Those are my peeps, you know? So is it scary? It is scary, but I was more concerned about looking like I was in charge than really being scared of them. You know, I was more worried about losing control of the group and not looking like I knew my shit more than I was about being around people that had been on drugs or not, I mean, I'm surrounded by them. I love them. I mean, some of the people I love the most are alcoholics, you know. So that's just, that is just, you know, the universe will lead us where we're supposed to be. And that's why we're all so different, right? Because we have different things we're supposed to do in the world. So like, you would never want to even touch that. And I can't imagine not touching it. I'm like, they couldn't wait. But that just was

not part of like, I didn't know what am I house drank? Like, no, my dad didn't drink. My mother didn't know. But we didn't drink and but we lived very isolated lives. Like, we just went to school, and we came home. And that was it. We all went to the grocery store together, we all stick together, we stay together. And we were just always together. Like that was the world. And I just was like, I can't wait to get out of this. Just so that I could have that little bit of freedom of free thought of like, I want to do what I want to do. Not that I wanted to go smoke or drink or do anything. I just wanted to stay out late with my friends and talk nerdy things that was and then say, you know, I wanted to come home at 10 o'clock at night versus nine o'clock at night. That was it that did anything else. So I was Yeah, I was I know. I know. I know. I know. I was a very, very, very goody two shoe. I know, I was very isolated. I know, I didn't have a lot of worldly experience in the world. But, ya know, I just felt like, and we would make jokes of people that drank. Right? Even one drink. Family, like at the dinner table wouldn't be like, Oh, we're gonna you know, they invited us to some kind of party tonight. Oh, are they going to be drinking there? Yeah, oh, a bunch of alcoholics. Right? That would be like the leap that my family would make. Oh, you better be careful when little drink and Miss Johnson is gonna be like swinging from the rafters. That's how we thought what alcohol did but that was just like the example that our parents had, you know, the stories that they had said, like, oh, yeah, you know, I knew this guy. And he'd drink. Like, it wasn't like he drank 15 or 20. Like we didn't know, it was just like, he drank. And if he drank, that means you're losing it's black and white, you know, lowers your inhibitions. And you're just a wild person. So we went like, No, I didn't, that's what I was thinking. I was like, I'm not gonna do that. I don't want to lose control. I don't want to be embarrassed in front of people. So no, I'm good. And I just didn't like the taste of it.

I'm happy to hear that there are people like your family out there, you know, because like, everybody I experienced is the other. So when my now 21 year old, grew up and went through high school, and did not drink or do drugs, I was like, What is wrong with our? I kept going? Don't you want to go to party with your friends? Like, what are you doing on Fourth of July? Shouldn't you be at a party, she's like, they're just gonna get drunk and be stupid. I don't want to go and I'm like, I would have been like, Sign me up. Like, I What do you need me to bring? Where do I show up? I need to drive anybody you know, that I would have been like all over it. So I had to tone it down. Just go. Okay. That's actually a very smart decision. I didn't have any very many smart decisions growing up. And I, you know, by the grace of God, they say in the program, I didn't have the addiction. But I'm addicted to people. You know, I was addicted to them. I was addicted to their drama. I was addicted if I didn't even really want to fix them. I just found them very entertaining. Like, I just think they're so funny. And they're not afraid. And they're just crazy. And, you know, I think one of the things I loved about them is because once they were self medicated, they would totally be themselves, right? Like, the inhibitions would go away. So I would, even though the people will say, Well, no, you're seeing them under the influence, but I could see them as who they really were. Because when they didn't have that they were trying to pretend and they were stressed and they were but when they were relaxed. I knew who they were, you know, so I don't know.

So but why Why were you attracted to that? What

was fun were seeing your why it was they were so much fun. My favorite family member was my uncle who is about maybe 13 or 14 years older than me. And I mean, he was probably an alcoholic drug addict, but no one in our family labeled it that they just said, Oh, he just drinks a lot or he just can't get his shit together as more of what I heard. But now that I have been in Al Anon, and I understood alcoholism, better, Mike, he was a full alcoholic. I mean, he had a problem. But we didn't look at the problem. We just said, he can't get his shit together, you know, because he had things in his life that did not go well for him. But he was my favorite person. And you know why? He was fun. He was free. He didn't follow the rules. He played music. He could play a guitar or piano a banjo. I just was like, I'm in. wherever you're going. I am going and there's tons of drinking. And sometimes there's cocaine. And sometimes there's marijuana. Yeah, let's go.

Oh, my God. Okay, we are now like running in opposite directions. That is in the middle. And you're like, yes. And I know, I'm like, so far god. I'm like, No, not interested. Don't care, though. Do you know, like, I will help you by putting help on a tray and pushing it out to you with a long extended arm that is now, I don't like chaos. I don't like I like fantastical, wild, crazy, you know, sci fi drama. But like real drama, real chaos, real life, people's feelings and emotions. And they're falling apart. And I'm just like, I don't know what to do how to help you. I don't I don't know how to help. So I don't know what to do. So then that just is, whoa,

well, I think that that's what you know, so I haven't really done drugs or alcohol on like, 20 years. But I think that, that chaos caught up to me. And then I went into my own self help work. And it was meditation and hypnosis that really made a difference for me. And that's why, and then I was like, I know what can help, because it helped me so it can help somebody, you know, it's possible. So I had to go out and do this, I became a Hypnotherapist. And, and then like, not everybody liked hypnosis. So I got into meditation, took some trainings, I and I was like, I got to share this, like, this is powerful. And all the research is there, right? So I was like, I'm backed by research, because there's tons of research on what meditation does to you physiologically, as well as emotionally and behaviorally. So I, I tried to make a business out of it. But I did enjoy teaching, I really did. I was really sad when the pandemic hit and like, and I was, I kind of let myself go from it. But

I think we all it was really,

I loved it. And then I was doing meditation groups on Zoom for a while during the pandemic, and I'd have like three people, you know, because it's not something people feel is a priority. You know, it's not a priority. Shit, I got, I gotta make money, I gotta feed the kids, I gotta pick up the kids, I don't have time to sit and meditate Are you nuts, but the people that would love to and actually in the group, there would be towards the end and my teaching style changed a lot from just get quiet to, I know you're going to close your eyes, and it's going to be louder than it's been when your eyes are open, you are going to fidget you are going to want to scream and run out of here. I know that and that's normal, you know. And then when I started getting more real with my teaching, I got more people that could sit with it more often. And by the end, I'd say the last five years, people would be like, I'm so glad you're here. I'm so glad you're here. I've been waiting for your class all week, you know, and they seem like they never knew when my class was because they were running around with their hair on fire. But they'd see me and they'd be like, Oh, I'm so glad you're here and I'd be like, I'm in the right place. You know, I'm doing the right thing. Even if I help one person, that's enough.

Okay, I think maybe I just don't like being alone with my thoughts. I'm just like, maybe that's that's my right issue. Like, I don't what I do with all that cut, what would I find if I went that deep? I mean, what, who would I be? I don't know. I have no idea. Um, I don't know. I'm learning. I am learning Jennifer with you. I am learning I am trying by step by step. I feel like I take two steps forward. And then I take three steps back. I don't know. I don't know about that. I'm not sure I'll go and check this out. But then I keep pulling back and like I know

well, I think that's what's so good about an instructor or with someone that's kind of leading it because it doesn't feel as scary when somebody's with you in it. You know, sometimes when I would meditate by my So if I'd be like, I don't know if I want to go here, and there would be thoughts that I just did not want to deal with, I actually had an MD that she was my MD, and I was telling her that I was in a therapist, and I taught meditation, and she said, I have a panic attack, as soon as I close my eyes and get calm, like, I can't relax. And I ran into a lot of people like that, like they couldn't relax, like relaxing was traumatic for them. And now that I've done more work on Oh, you know, my own trauma, it's like, I can see that because maybe there was something in your subconscious that as soon as you relaxed, you had someone come and beat you, or something right, or ridiculed, or who knows what it is because it can be so far in the subconscious. And then you build all these stories around it, that what actually happened isn't even true anymore. And I would see that with my hypnosis clients a lot. And they'd be like, Oh, my God, that is even what I remember it being this is what it is, you know. And so this truth gets revealed. But yeah, I had a few people that were like, as soon as it was like, close your eyes, they would just go into panic.

Okay, and there's where you have me hooked to a psychological drama. I'm like, That's interesting. I love that kind of, that's an awesome story idea. Like, you close your eyes, and it brings you back to some kind of trust. Like, that's where I'm like, yeah. But like, they go there. But I liked the idea of somebody else going there. And I want to hear that story. And I think that is so fascinating. And that's why I love those kind of books like that, and stories and movies and whatever. But yeah, maybe because I just can't, maybe cuz my life might be boring. I don't think my life is boring. But

well, I don't know, cherry. If you started uncovering that you might not be as boring as you think.

Well, I don't think I'm boring. I just I don't think that I, I mean, you know what it's like, I could have a party by myself. Right? Like, I don't need people. I don't need drugs. I don't need I mean, people meet me and I have been told, you know, people later have said, like, I thought that you because you just oh wait, you know, like he just so happy. And that just doesn't seem natural. And I was just like, oh,

well tell us about when you were volunteering for the parenting group?

No, I'll tell you that another time because I know we've hit our third. That'll be the next and I'll tell you, I'll tell you. All right. Have a great

day. Take care. Bye. Bye. Go meditate.

Yay. Thank you for listening to being effing honest with your hosts, Jennifer Wong and charity Rodriguez. Subscribe to our show wherever you listen to podcasts. And if you have a suggestion, question or topic you want us to talk about, connect with us at www being effing honest.com And until next time, we hope you're always being effing honest